third side of the coin

yet another day of domestic breakthrough!
folks had another goddamn fight. and then they patched it up. and they fuckin fought again.
made Cassie tear. made me pissed. makes you wonder why ppl bother getting married. wouldnt mind being a bastard if all of this technicolour drama could be avoided.
and to make things worst, we were acught in the grey area. so yea…flip a bird!

was messin my head up and i was close to returning to kl today.  i believe if ones presence is not appreciated, taken fr granted or just plain useless…pack and leave. and i was packin…. could’ve used the free smoking and franky tonight frankly speaking. even kl’s orange skies could serve as comfort. reminders of why i’m thankful to be away frm this lil town..

but as fr the moment, things are okay again. i’m still here. and if you’ve never heard of The Ferns, check them out, www.myspace.com/ferns. awesome music.
another good duo besides Dose-2 is Muon from Singapore, www.myspace.com/muonmagick.
and also since ur on it, www.myspace.com/updharmadown.
the last band’s on repeat right now on winamp.
much love to junkonline.net fr the hooks.  the Jesus of music magazines.

just thought id’d share the music. good stuff..nearly like weed.

rant later. need a shower from all that bickering bullshit.
"/

it’s raining again.
i could see the streetlights through my windows. it’s a quiet night. it’s been awhile since i’ve sat in the dark like this penning(typing) a blog entry. in such complete serene comfort. nearly feels like a luxury. a cadbury drink on a cold winter night…with roasted marshmellows.. "/

Cassie and mom’s already in bed. dad’s arriving tmw. gonna have a few days in tpg with them before i leave fr the city again. life’s….falling into place.
the last time i was back, i remember reminiscing the better times, missing it like the current time’s a bitch to be in. this time around though, i’ve learnt to embrace it.
i think in the few months gone, i’ve grown to call truce with myself and my decisions. manage to scrub off a bit of that pessimism and managed to put my mind and spirit in a coherent understanding. i can for once, see where i’m headed. i’ve yet to thank a few of you personally for lifting the fog. but ey…i consider many of the ppl in my circle fam. and i appreciate the love. i’m too arrogant of a person to name it all down. heh. you know me. but. thank you.

speaking of fam…flow fam’s back and kicking.
Hunny’s return is a positive one. she’s started to resume her album. Qube and I has started Dose-2 and we’ve enough materials for an alb. Sleeq’s coming down in december to hunt fr a recording deal from Sg. and Kayda has an official green light from Kak Sheila to record a song or two. 2007 will be a good year fr us. stay tuned.

things are falling into place. i cant stress this enough. "/

Have a merry Aidulfitri ppl. Muslim, Christian, Freethinkers, whatever.
it’s something about the month of Ramadhan that just puts things into perspective. i like.

"/

i really can’t complain. life’s been good.

for the first time in a very very long time, i feel like my age. and it feels, perfect. not having it all. but more than before, and enough to know i’m walking in the correct pace to reach that place i always intended to.

scraped the rust and bathed with good red red wine. may just even stop the greens fr good. dont need that anymore, really.

good people in my life, friends, fam, extended fam, dogs(ceekhita makes the world go round).

you know they say things will fall in place naturally, a semi-paterned fate.

and if all this that i’ve never asked for, but blessed with; is something to go by, like tonight.then well…kharma must be good.

we all deserve to smile. and i’ve never laughed like i did tonight fr a long time. november 26th. December 17th. December 1st. good days i’m waiting for.

thank you, whoever you are. i think i found my place. and i’m grateful for it. =)

after all the numerous drink sessions with the guys and thinkin-durin-drive-homes after that.i figured something i think rather potent.

so all my buddies share the same story, girly cheating, then they be cheating.yada etc.so i think i kinda (sorta) figured how cheating works.yup. pretty fucked up, but it’s a summarised hipothesis, check.

ladies feel good and gain their confidence if the shell’s good.
meaning when they look, they feel good. think about it.
i mean you can be naturalist and yap all you want to, but a lady going to a ball actually splurge in more effort and time on how they look, if they dont come out looking 110%, the confidence and aura she’ll carry(with the mood she in) wouldnt even come close to 50%.
the physic plays high influence on a lady’s everything. and this stretches from sex to a relationship.
here’s the lil equation;

gf in a rs - (quality emo fulfillment + constant reaasurance from bf) = cheats to fill that gap

meaning, if she starts to be too okay with you never being around, or she plans on a new refurbished look for herself, that may mean she’s letting go and moving on. ( but dont go all frantic everything she gets a haircut la you know what i mean? heh).
ladies are like a soft detached baby feather. they adore flight, and they will choose a breezeto float on, but if that breeze starts to fade and lose its presence, the feather needs something to bring her afloat, its like a self-protective auto pilot. dont blame her guys.

boys cheat for physical lust. meaning its rarely emotionally attached. usually one timers.
unlike the ladies, men cant look good without feeling good first. meaning, you can put a gucci suit on us, but we wont potray confidence if we cant feel it first. cant be proud driving a luxury car if we knew we didnt earn it(college kids with dad sponsored sport cars dont count).

so yea, i could go on, but i’ve to run, finish this some other time.

lesson : everyfuckin body cheats when pushed.
my say : you only live once. 1+1=3. go figure whats best fr ya.

*disperse*

I think in poetry.                                                                                                                         A nuisance for the light-hearts,                                                                                            Chocolate burns for the heavies.

I think in space.                                                                                                                                       An empty box is still constrained,                                                                                                 Contained and drained by infinite flights, In this outerspace, my inner: kneel to freedom.

I think in poetry.                                                                                                                         An Alan Poe of my books,                                                                                                        “nights good, soaked in serenity”,                                                                                         Conversations with self, speaking with my penned hand.                                                              A pillow to rest, praying for friends,                                                                                         Just in case this sleep tonight doesn’t end.                                                                                    

I think in high-rise sewers,                                                                                                       The cold laughs when we lose,                                                                                                      I wonder if the jesters knew,                                                                                                     The joke was them and not what they do.

I think in poetry, I float on smoke,                                                                                         Think. I think you’ll choke.

I think in space, my favorite distaste,                                                                                       Think. For your own sake.

Think.